I suppose it is a natural part of being a modern American that I expect everything to happen immediately. I can buy a book off Amazon and have it shipped next day so that I only have to wait a few hours for it to arrive at my door, and I can make a pizza in a matter of minutes with a microwave. All in all, I can expect everything to happen with this simple immediacy of modern life...except for the things that are most important to me.
It is so hard for me to recognize the reality that relationships are a process and require work and time and dedication. I want them to be fast, something that comes like my new book: in 24 hours and all tied up in a neat little package. I don't want to have to deal with people, they're messy and tend to disagree with me (the nerve of them!) I don't want to have to wait and certainly I never want to have to work at it. I want to drift through life without expending any more energy than absolutely necessary, yet enjoy friendships and relationships that really require time. But that is not how life works. Life and relationships require work and effort and sometimes they require passing through pain and anger and conflict.
Conflict is hard for me. I have spent most of my life avoiding it as though it were a deadly plague. I don't like fighting, arguing, or even the idea that their could be a disagreement, in fact I would rather let go of my dearest rights than be in conflict with another person. This makes relationships especially hard. If there are no relationships there are no conflicts, so my little solitary world is a wonderfully peaceful place to live, but it is also incredibly lonely. It is taking a long time for me to understand that I need to step out into the conflict and pain, that the payoff is worth the price.
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2 comments:
This is good to remember...that even the relationships that take a lot of work are worth it. I tend to stay with the easy ones myself...but it's usually the hard ones that help me grow.
i can definitely relate. often running away seems like the best option...for the moment...but i have to remember in the long run it doesn't work. as lewis said, "the only place you will be safe from all the pain and perturbations of love is hell" and that is the one place i never want to be.
thanks for sharing.
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